


Give Me Room To Breathe

by halfbreadstick



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Letters, M/M, No Volleyball Team AU, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 12:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6374512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfbreadstick/pseuds/halfbreadstick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kenma writes letters to Kuroo, trying to explain why their relationship ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

It has been a total of 116 days since Kenma broke Kuroo's heart, but what never crossed Kuroo's mind, is that Kenma's heart was already in shambles, too.

It's a quiet Sunday morning and Kuroo opens his front door, only to see a shoebox on the front porch, with his name written on it.

He eyes the shoebox suspiciously, but picks it up and brings it inside with him. He heads to his bedroom, sets it down on his desk, and opens it.

_Envelopes._

Numbered envelopes, to be exact. He cautiously picks up the letter labeled '1' and opens it, sitting down and starting to read.

_Dear Kuroo,_

_I'm not sure what prompted me to write these in the first place. Maybe it was the sinking feeling in my gut when I saw you across the grocery store last week. Maybe it was Shouyou's voice echoing in my head, when he told me I never gave you closure. Maybe it was my mom absentmindedly bringing me home a box of sour patch kids, which only made my mind race straight to you._

_Maybe it was none of those things._

_Either way, here I am, sitting at my desk and writing you these letters._

_Suppose you're sitting in your room, at your desk with your head propped up on your first, elbow on the desk for support, the way you always read your favorite novels, or studied for tests._

_Suppose you're sitting here reading this, or maybe suppose you didn't even get this far, maybe you've dumped every single letter in the trash by now._

_Of course, I don't want that, but who am I to stop you?_

_But then again, I know you well, Kuroo, inside and out. And I know that you wouldn't be able to stand throwing them away without reading them first. I know you well and I know that you'll stick around until the end, no matter if there's 500 envelopes in that stupid shoebox by the time I finish saying what I have to say. And I know this because you're you. And that's nothing to be ashamed of._

_I've said a lot already, and it feels like I'm always explaining myself to you. Maybe that's one of the things that tore us apart. You never let me breathe, Kuroo. I was always taking in so much, and being drained twice as fast. There were rarely times things felt calmed down._

_I think I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, which is something I guess I've always done. Old habits die hard, right?_

_To the point, whether you choose to continue through these or not, this is my explanation to you. This is my closure for you, and maybe, hopefully, I can help give myself some closure through this as well._

_Sincerely, Kenma._

Kuroo took a long pause before doing anything. He just sat there, staring at the page in his hand. It was torn out from a notebook, but Kenma made sure to cut off the frillies at the side, like he always did.

He calmly folds the paper back up, placing it cleanly inside the envelope, putting the envelope back in the box, and setting the lid on top. He stands up, taking the shoebox and putting it under his bed.

This is something to save for a different day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I know this first part wasn't all that long, I just kinda wanted to get the ball rolling before delving deeper into the story. This is the first fic I've written in years, so I'm hoping it's not too awful or anything.


	2. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's not very long, but hey, I'd rather break it up into smaller parts, focusing on one specific topic each chapter, than have multiple in a really long chapter, if that makes sense?

Kuroo barely slept that night.

He spent the whole time overthinking what he read in that letter. Kenma was right about him not being able to throw the letters away. He wanted to, he really did. Only because his way of getting over something was to block it out of his life completely, which was his intention after him and Kenma had split. He knew that reading the letters would only tear open the freshly sealed wounds of the breakup, but he couldn't get himself to throw the damn things away.

So there they sat, underneath his bed, just waiting to be opened.

And there he laid, on top of his bed, tossing and turning and overthinking and head aching and heart racing all throughout the night, questions running through his head. _How long had Kenma spent on the letters? What made him want to write them? Why did he just put them on his doorstep? Why did he leave?_ Unfortunately, not all of his questions would be answered. But he hoped at least some of them would.

He eventually got to sleep, and when he woke up the next morning his eye bags were, well, to put it nicely- _very_ noticeable. He's had it worse before, though. So he just got his usual morning cup of coffee and headed off to school, the second letter already tucked inside his backpack, just in case.

Kuroo didn't end up reading the note at school, though, it was probably for the better. He didn't know what it could contain, and was too afraid of something striking a certain chord in the middle of school, that wouldn't be good. However, as soon as he got home, he took the envelope out of his backpack, laid down on his bed, and carefully opened it, unfolding the paper slowly, almost afraid of what was written on the page.

_Dear Kuroo,_

_I remember the first night I spent at your house._

_We stopped at the local convenience store beforehand, grabbing snacks and soda for the rest of the night. Your candy of choice? Sour Patch Kids. Sour, then sweet. I guess our relationship was like that in a way._

_We, of course, shared the candy we had gotten. I usually didn't like sour candy, but you got me to try a few. And, after the initial scrunched-up-face due to the sourness, I actually really liked them. And while this might not seem like a big deal to anyone else, it became our go-to candy. Whenever we were hanging out, one, if not both of us, would bring some._

_We spent the rest of the night eating the sour candy and watching stupid comedy movies until we passed out. That was a really good night, I remember hoping it would happen again._

_It did happen again. And many times after that._

_I feel like you and I just clicked from the start, Kuroo. There was something about us, we worked together so well, what happened to that? I guess it all went to hell._

_I remember when you asked me to be your boyfriend. I was drowning in flowers and, you guessed it, sour patch kids. I like to think that drowning is a good comparison to use, because right from the start, you never let me breathe._

_Of course I said yes though, because despite being a little overwhelmed, you were still wonderful and treated me lovingly and I thought to myself, this is something I can live with._

_I don't want to say I was wrong, that sounds too harsh. But, well, I was._

_That night, I spent the whole time we hung out in your arms. And while it was nice, there was a different stigma in the air, and I couldn't help but feel a little punch in the gut at the thought that things would never be the same._

_I wouldn't say that I was unhappy through the whole relationship though, I suppose I'm not giving you enough credit. Its not that you weren't a good boyfriend. Its just that you weren't good for me._

_Sincerely, Kenma_

Kuroo sat up, folding the page back up and stuffing it back into the envelope. There were already a few tears staining his cheeks. He wiped them away, sighing as he thought about the letter. As he remembered that night and the many more that followed. Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd thought about his past with Kenma and cried. Kuroo doesn't look like the type to cry a lot, but hey, he was in love. And when you love someone, he thinks, its never really goes away.

He reached under his bed, pulling out the shoebox and putting the second letter back inside. He figured he'd read one every day, that seemed doable, even if it was opening up old wounds. He set the shoebox back under his bed and sat there, leaning against the wall, for a few minutes. Just thinking, he had never really taken Kenma's point of view into the situation. Well sure, he thought he had, but did he really? Since the breakup, all he could think of was _he left me_ , _he broke my heart_ , _he did this to me_. Not once did he stop to think about how the relationship had been affecting Kenma. And now that he was actually starting to take that into consideration, a lot of things seemed to start making sense.

Maybe he'd have to open his mind a bit more while reading these letters, because he wanted to understand.


End file.
